What is good? What is right?

Hi Beloveds,

I was thinking today about my life and all the challenges I have before me right now.  I was even starting to feel a little down on myself.  We all make mistakes.  Sometimes the most difficult thing to do is forgive ourselves.  I was experiencing this.  I was thinking about my wife and marriage.  I was thinking about all the mistakes I had made.   How I had left her vulnerable and our marriage in the condition it's in.  Though we have been separated and not had contact for a long time there are still mistakes I make even today that have an impact.  I hate that so much.

It gets easy to focus on the negative.  (I get in this place where I start to think of all the things I could do to make things better.  There in lies the rub.  It has never been about what I can do.  It has always been about what God can do.  The best I can do is passionately seek Him and submit to His will.)

As I mentioned I was in one of these moments this morning when God started to work on me.

He is so crafty!  I love it!  I Love how He knows His child.

I was remembering a moment my wife and I had before our separation.  We were still in a place where we were working on things.  She was moved out of the house and staying with friends but we were still talking on the phone.  At one point in one of these conversations I told her that I missed her.  She asked me "What

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Beloveds...

It's approaching a year now since the last time I have posted. I apologize for that. The truth of the matter is shortly after my last post I was dealt a heavy blow by the enemy in a longstanding spiritual battle for my family. To say it knocked me on my ass would be an understatement and I needed some time with God.

This blog was initially intended to be a place for me to vent and heal. (Everyone needs this. Everyone is broken in some way. I don't care how "perfect" your life might seem.) At the time I was struggling to save my marriage, desperately trying to find God's direction on how to be the man that He and my wife needed me to be. To cry out and bleed on paper, or screen as it may be, helped.

That struggle has continued for years. The level of spiritual warfare that has occurred is enough to make even the most hardened spiritual warrior wince. I would like to sit here and blame the devil for every bad thing that has happened to my marriage, but I can't. As I look back I see countless decisions I could have made differently. I see opportunities given to me by God and my wife. We make decisions. Decisions have consequences. I take full responsibility.

For me it felt a lot like the Natalie Grant song "Held"...

For a man who has wanted nothing more than from the age of 12 to be a husband and father it was devastating. 

Please hear me clearly. I know we serve a God of healing. A God who continually glorifies Himself through transforming that which is dead into something that is vibrant and alive. To this day I believe that level of