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Beloveds...

It's approaching a year now since the last time I have posted. I apologize for that. The truth of the matter is shortly after my last post I was dealt a heavy blow by the enemy in a longstanding spiritual battle for my family. To say it knocked me on my ass would be an understatement and I needed some time with God.

This blog was initially intended to be a place for me to vent and heal. (Everyone needs this. Everyone is broken in some way. I don't care how "perfect" your life might seem.) At the time I was struggling to save my marriage, desperately trying to find God's direction on how to be the man that He and my wife needed me to be. To cry out and bleed on paper, or screen as it may be, helped.

That struggle has continued for years. The level of spiritual warfare that has occurred is enough to make even the most hardened spiritual warrior wince. I would like to sit here and blame the devil for every bad thing that has happened to my marriage, but I can't. As I look back I see countless decisions I could have made differently. I see opportunities given to me by God and my wife. We make decisions. Decisions have consequences. I take full responsibility.

For me it felt a lot like the Natalie Grant song "Held"...

For a man who has wanted nothing more than from the age of 12 to be a husband and father it was devastating. 

Please hear me clearly. I know we serve a God of healing. A God who continually glorifies Himself through transforming that which is dead into something that is vibrant and alive. To this day I believe that level of
healing is God's intention for my wife, our marriage, and myself. 

Through this process though, like in the song, I have for the first time truly started to grasp the only thing I need in my life is Him. He has even started to use me in the lives of others.

He has placed on my heart an unquenchable desire to save marriages and families. Please don't ask me to explain. I can't. Here I am going through everything I just described to you and He is going to use me to save marriages? I tell you though, He already has. He has even had me preach. As far as I can tell He has no intention of stopping providing I walk with Him. And I will! 

Sorry it's been so long. I have missed this.