Beloveds….
Please don’t ever ever doubt we have a loving God who wants to communicate with us and be close to us in every opportunity we present Him with. Just a couple of hours ago I was deep in prayer and experienced one such time. I do not want to get deep in the weeds to tell this story, but a little background is needed. The thing that I was in prayer over was predominantly my marriage. For those of you who do not know me personally and are reading this, over the past (depending on how you look at it) 2-3 years I have been in a vicious battle to save my wife and marriage. As a matter of fact we have been separated for a majority of that time. There is so much more to this story that I will most likely at some point share (as part of a testimony), but now is not that time.
One of the things I pray about often in these times of prayer and battle is the ability to know Gods will. In the past there have been two directions God has taken me down as I walk this path.
The first is that of the good Sheppard.
Matthew 18:12 (King James Version)
12How think ye? if a man have an hundred sheep, and one of them be gone astray, doth he not leave the ninety and nine, and goeth into the mountains, and seeketh that which is gone astray?
Luke 15:4-5 (King James Version)
4What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it?
5And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing.
In this path I play the role of “knight in shining armor” for my beloved bride. I battle and chase until I have made everything right and have her back in my arms. I am after all charged with her provision and protection, a desire that God has put in me and equipped me to accomplish.
The second of the paths is that of the prodigal son and his father.
Luke 15:20 (King James Version)
20And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.
(The full story of the prodigal son is Luke 15:11-32)
In this path I entrust a loving God with the woman and marriage He knows how to love and heal far better than I. I am patient and have no fear because He is in control. I focus on His immense love for her and know that He is with her. I hand both the woman he gifted me with and the marriage He is a part of back to Him with the heart cry of a child saying “Daddy God please fix what we have broken!”.
At many points He has had me down each of these paths. He has patiently worked with me on hearing His voice and being able to distinguish when and which. The harder and more heartfelt the prayer the clearer His voice is. (I am learning to like that He keeps me on my toes. It draws me closer to Him.) It was just such a moment a couple of hours ago. Part of my prayer was asking for clear direction in the moment.
At the very moment I finish my prayer this is the song that came up on my Pandora station… (please listen till the end)
I had never heard the song before though I listen to Christian music stations all the time. Beloveds if you knew the story you would understand this song in so so many ways hits home to what I am experiencing. As I listened to the lyrics in brought me to tears. It is our story. As I mentioned, God has had the prodigal son theme on my heart this whole time! He has been leading me to scriptures of faith and strength to support it incessantly. He also still tells me to fight, but it is in a different way. It is in the Spirit. He was lovingly confirming the right path. He gave me an answer out load! He is so good and loving. He will do this for you!
I need to make something clear before I close this post…
Please know that I take full responsibility for the condition of my marriage. Fear and selfishness put me, as the spiritual leader of my family, in a place where I could not hear God’s voice and direction. This fear, selfishness, and muffling of God’s voice made it impossible for me to lead my wife and family. I am responsible for that. Someday I will share more.
Until then, I love you. God loves you more. Peace beloveds.
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